Thrills and Spills
by Persiana13
Summary: From the mind that brought you Dancing Fools, I parody another ABC hit; Wipeout!
1. Chapter 1

**Thrills and Spills 1**

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. Wipeout belongs to ABC. _

Chapter 1: Big Idea 

The cast of Street Fighter was standing behind a curtain. It was obvious they were outside. Ryu shook his head,

"What's this curtain doing here? He must be up to his old tricks again."  
Chun Li shook her head,

"And why did he call us here, in the middle of nowhere?"

Ken looked around,

"I think this place used to be an amusement park, until it was shut down."

The insane author cackled,

**Right you are, Ken. Glad you could all make it tonight. **

Elena jumped up and down excitedly,

"Yeah, another parody!"  
Everyone looked at the capoeira fighter and she looked back at them,

"What? Don't you rifle through people's e-mails?"

C. Viper groaned,

"Please tell me this is not another one of those Dancing Fools series stories again."

**Nope. I've retired that series. I figure nine was enough. **

Cammy shook her head,

I'm guessing the ratings were not up to snuff."

**Yeah, I figure that it was time to retire such a series after its long run. **

E. Honda said,

"You got cancelled, didn't you?"

**Don't ever mention that around me, Honda. It's not nice. ** **Besides, it's distracting us from why we're here. I've decided it was time for a change of scenery. That, and I need a new show to rip off from ABC. **

T. Hawk asked,

"And, what do you have against ABC, anyway?"

**Nothing. I do this just for the sake of ratings and because I am bored out of my mind. And, I'm busy with more stories. **

Elena smirked,

"So, what's the new show you're planning to rip off this time?"  
**A personal favorite of mine. I've decided to host a show you may have heard of. **

Ryu asked,

"And what is that, exactly?"

The curtain was drawn back suddenly and there, the bewildered cast looked on in shock. They noticed several large platforms and moving obstacles over a pool of water. The insane author shouted,

**Welcome to the Wipeout Parody: Thrills and Spills! **

Dan groaned out loud,

"We were better off doing the Dancing with the Stars bit."

**All right, boys and girls, you know how this works. We're-. **

Ken said,

"We know. People are going to run through the obstacle course and the twelve fastest times go on to the next round. I watch it every week."

**Right, but one interesting twist in all this; there are going to be no destruction of the course involved. You can use your martial arts skills to dodge and weave, but no striking the obstacles. They, however, can strike you. **

The insane author checked his watch,

**Well, let's get ready for Thrills and Spills! **

Dan shouted,

"You fans did this! You enjoy making a mockery of us!"

He then is promptly hit over the head with a mallet, falling unconscious.

Next Chapter:

The insane author picks two co-hosts to work for him and Thrills and Spills begins! Insanity Ensues! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. ABC owns Wipeout. _

Chapter 2: The Hosts, and the Show Begins! 

**Now, before we begin the show, I've decide to bring a sort of team with me on this endeavor to host Thrills and Spills. For the part that will be with me in the booth, I have decided on Fei Long as my co-host. **

Fei Long looked surprised,

"What? Why me?"  
**The answer is simple, my Bruce Lee-imitating friend; I need you to look sane, while I don't. **

Sagat grumbled,

"That won't be too hard to do."

**Hey! I heard that! **

The insane author pulled out a bean bag gun and shot the one-eyed Muay Thai fighter in the head, knocking him out. Ken smirked,

"Nice one."  
**Naturally. Now, as for the third member of the Thrills and Spills team, I want Elena to be interviewing the contestants. **

The dark skinned fighter cheered,

"Yay!"

She cart wheeled around them, laughing happily. Ibuki smiled,

"I'm glad she got it, but why?"  
**Because Elena has a hot set of legs, and an ass to match. What do you think? **

Dan pointed a threatening finger on at the insane author,

"You are out of your mind! No prize is worth it!"

**Really? **

The insane author pulled back another curtain. This one contained a box with a series of question marks on it.

**Not even for a shot at the mystery box prize? **

The other Street Fighter characters looked in awe at the mystery box. Ken said,

"There could be anything in that box."

**You're right. I won't tell you what it is, but, it is safe to say, that it is something…mysterious. **

Ryu shook his head,

"I have a bad feeling about all of this."  
Chun Li nodded,

"I agree, Ryu. What sort of insane trickery could our boss be planning?"

**Oh, come on. Would I seriously prank a box just so I could motivate you all to run in three mind boggling, career ending obstacles? **

The sound of crickets filled the air as the cast looked at the author. The insane author shook his head,

**Don't answer that. Well, let's get the show on the road. **

**A few minutes, and some threats later... **

Fei Long and the insane author were now sitting in a booth overlooking the obstacle course. The insane author said,

**Greetings, fans, and welcome to Thrills and Spills! You probably know me from my hosting days on Dancing Fools, and, tonight, I'm here working on a new gig. Don't ask me what happened with the old one; I'm under legal obligation not to say anything. **

Fei Long grumbled,

"That won't stop you."

**I'll ignore that. Now, you may notice that this resembles a show on ABC called Wipeout. Indeed it does; but, instead of using their obstacles, we're using ones I came up with. Don't worry, though; despite my inability to measure distances, I can safely say that I did a bang-up job on this thing. **

Fei Long nodded,

"Indeed he has. Now, we're going to introduce our first contestant, and the third member of the Thrills and Spills team; the attractive Elena!"

Elena, dressed in her white bikini, clapped excitedly as she held her microphone,

"Yay! I'm introducing the first contestant to the Thrills and Spills; Dan Hibiki!"

Dan flashed a smile and gave two thumbs up. The insane author smirked,

**Well, the prize these contestants that are competing for today will be a mystery box prize. It could be cash. It could be gems. It could be a lifetime supply of soy sauce packets for all I know. Even I don't know what's in the box, but, it's safe to say; it's a mystery. **

Fei Long rolled his eyes,

"I think we should get to the obstacle course now. The preliminary qualifier is as follows; the contestants are going to have to navigate a rope bridge called London Bridge."

The insane author added,

**Yes, and they will be getting pelted with month old crumpets, just like Dan is now. **

Dan began navigating the bridge, maintaining his balance, but a hard crumpet hit him square in the face. The insane author winced,

**Oh, that's not good. Oh, look; Dan just fell into the pool of iced tea underneath London Bridge! **

The martial artist fell in and cried out girlishly,

"AAAAAHHHH! IT'S COLD! IT'S COLD!"

He precariously made his way out of the icy tea water and hugged himself to keep warm. The insane author said,

**Well, we finished one obstacle, but the second one is a real dog. Our contestants are going to have to jump through the dog house, and get to the other side over the water. However, what we didn't tell them is that, by jumping through them, you're covered in meat sauce and real man-eating dogs are trying to eat you! **

Dan somersaulted through the hole, only to find the dogs on the other side, ready to take a bite out of Dan. The martial artist screamed and frantically fell into the water. Fei Long shook his head,

"And, he was almost there too."

Dan shouted,

"You're doing this out of spite and insanity! I know it."

**Shut up, Dan! You're under contract. Besides, with a push of this button, I can fill the water with piranhas! **

Fei Long said,

"I don't think that releases the piranhas."

**Of course it does. Watch! **

The insane author pressed a button, only to have Fei Long get electrocuted. Fei Long huffed smoke and groaned,

"Ow."

**I guess you were right, Fei. Well, Dan's got only one more obstacle to go through, and this one is a doozy. He has to make it through the Thrills and Spills kitchen. Today's special is the Barbecue spare ribs. He has to first make it through the tub of mac'n'cheese, my own recipe, I might add. Then, he has to get through the cole slaw and creamed corn, and finally over two succulent spare ribs. All the while, being drenched with my homemade spicy barbecue sauce. Oh, and he has to crawl through some holes and land in these things too. And, there are two finishing spots, just want to mention that. One if you complete the course, the other if you fall off and swim, defeated. **

Dan shouted in pain as his legs and back arched inhumanly when he landed in the vat of macaroni and cheese,

"AAHH! This taste disgusting! What's in this!"

Fei Long asked,

"Did you really make all this stuff?"

The insane author answered,

**Yep, it's all homemade instant mac'n'cheese. The best! **

Dan stumbled through the obstacle course, after somersaulting over one 'rib', which looked to be too fake to eat, stumbled over the second, and managed to finish in the higher landing platform. He was drenched in barbecue sauce and spat up in disgust,

"You are insane, you know that!"

**What else is new, Dan? Now, we've got to go to break, but, when we return, there's going to be more Thrills and Spills action on our qualifying obstacle course. Stay tuned. **

Fei Long added,

"Provided we don't get canceled for this."

He ended up getting hit in the head with a mallet.

Next Chapter:

More Street Fighter Cast members take the obstacle course. Stay tuned, fellow readers! The insanity is just beginning!


	3. Chapter 3

**Thrills and Spills **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. Wipeout belongs to ABC. _

Chapter 3: More Preliminary Insanity! 

**And, welcome back to Thrills and Spills! Fei, I got to say, Dan's time is going to be a real tough one to break. **

Fei Long nodded,

"It sure is, but it's still early and we've got a lot more qualifying contestants to go through. We turn things over to Elena to introduce us to our next contestant."

Elena cheered,

"Yeah! I'm with Sakura. Now, Sakura, what do you think is in the mystery box?"

Sakura, the school-girl fighter, sighed happily,

"My dream wedding for Ryu!"

She squealed and shouted,

"RYU, I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO MARRY YOU!"

**Well, there's one woman who's in love. **

Several seconds went by before Sakura fell down on the course, her back arching inhumanly. The sounds of it crack sickeningly made the commentators wince. Fei Long shook his head,

"I don't think Sakura has been taking lessons from Dhalsim to do that yet."  
**Yeah, but you have to admit, if a woman really could do that and not get hurt, it would be kind of hot. **

Sakura limped through the course, eventually coming to the kitchen. She dove in, but managed to swallow more of the mac'n'cheese and the insane author winced,

**If she ever hopes to fit into a wedding dress, Sakura had better stop eating all that mac'n'cheese. On the plus side, I've made an entire vat of the stuff. **

Fei Long said,

"Well, it does appear to be interesting for our contestants. I think-."

Suddenly, the ground began to shake, and E. Honda stomped onto the course, shouting,

"I AM SUMO!"  
The insane author winced,

**Holy crap; Godzilla's in town! Or, at the very least, his less attractive sister. **

Fei Long said,

"E. Honda is taking to this course like any great sumo champion takes to his opponent."

**Or to a first rate buffet. I do not want to be between him and a seven-layer cake, ladies and gents. **

E. Honda took off and did surprisingly well, until he got to the rope bridge. There, the rope bridge broke and E. Honda landed right on top of a hard beam, right between his legs. He then fell into the water and began floating.

**And, there is a prime illustration of how the Japanese auto industry is doing right now. It was doing so well, but then, got hit right where it hurts, and then, goes belly up. **

Fei Long groaned,

"I hate to be the team doctor right about now, examining Mr. Honda like that."

**You're telling me. I bet the team doctor is going to need a full naval crew to navigate the waves of fat all over his body. It's like navigating through a swamp. **

Fei Long then notices the insane author dressed in jungle camo, complete with face paint and assault rifle. The martial artist from Hong Kong blinked and asked,

"What are you doing?"

**Shh, Charlie's around here somewhere and I'm going to find him. I'm going find Charlie and kill 'em all for killing my unit! **

The insane author then noticed something and shouted,

**CHARLIE! **

The insane author fired his rifle all over the set, shooting everything that moved. Fei Long shook his head,

"How did I ever agree to this? My co-host goes Agent Orange on me-."

A loud crash interrupted the celebrity fighter's talking. E. Honda tried to eat his way through one of the foam ribs in the kitchen, but it ended up breaking his teeth. Fei Long continued,

"And E. Honda tries to eat something that does not agree with him."

The insane author returned, seemingly normal,

**How are things around here? **

Fei Long said,

"I'm afraid to answer that right now."

**All right, E. Honda got through the course, so, let's see our next contestant. **

T. Hawk stood at the starting platform and raised his tomahawk weapon. The insane author swallowed,

**Holy crap, Fei Long! Indians are attacking! And, I have to be at Fort Apache at five o'clock! **

Fei Long looked at his insane co-host,

"I sometimes wonder whether you are actually insane, or this passes as normal behavior for you."

**A little bit of both actually, now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to warn F-Troop about the attack! **

T. Hawk began running down the course, but got hit hard with one of the crumpets on the bridge. It landed right in his face. He lost his tomahawk weapon and fell into the water. Fei Long looked on,

"T. Hawk is struggling through this obstacle course."

A loud crash, and scream of pain could be heard as T. Hawk somehow got caught in one obstacle and he began swinging around and around. Fei Long held the bridge of his nose,

"And he is supposed to be some sort of great warrior. It seems to me that he is not going to make it to the next round."

He then looked at the camera,

"When we return, more insanity on Thrills and Spills."

Another loud explosion occurred and a familiar, insane voice could be heard,

**I found them! I found those weapons of mass destruction everyone was talking about! **

Next Chapter:

More contestants go on the Thrills and Spills obstacle course! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	4. Chapter 4

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. Wipeout is owned by ABC. _

Chapter 4: More Contestants, More Spills! 

**And, we're back, ladies and gents. You know, Fei, I got to say, that I'm surprised how great my ideas are. I mean, we've got a whole bunch of people competing for the mystery box prize. You know something, even I'm not sure what's in that box. **

Fei Long nodded,

"And, I'm sure we'll find out at the end of the competition assuming everyone survives the preliminary round."

A loud squeaking noise could be heard and Fei looked on,

"Dhalsim got caught in the obstacle course."

Dhalsim screamed,

"MY BODY! I HAVEN'T LEARNED THIS POSITION YET!"

The insane author and co-host to Fei Long blinked,

**Wow, and here I thought he achieved enlightenment. At least, this wasn't as bad as Chun Li's performance. **

Chun Li hefted herself over one of the foam ribs and landed with her spine arched backwards and her legs dangling over her head. The Interpol agent could feel her back snap and groaned out,

"I want to be the one that marries Ryu!"

Cammy, at the start of the course, did a series of backflips and cartwheels on London Bridge and Fei nodded,

"I am impressed with Cammy's athleticism."

Just then, a crumpet hit Cammy as she rolled up and fell in the 'tea', which was really dark-colored water. The insane author shook his head, laughing,

**Well, so much for tea time here. Fei, I have to say that the kitchen has been giving all of our Thrills and Spills contestants problems. **

Blanka fell into the vat of mac'n'cheese and tried to shock it, but ended up shocking himself. He smoldered and fell off of the obstacle course. Another contestant, Juri, tried to use the ribs as a vault, and ended up landing in a split, but, she was just at the right level for the second rib to hit her in the face and knocking her over in the water. The insane announcer chuckled,

**We've got some interesting times here, but, we do have one more contestant to go through our qualifier. **

Ibuki did a cartwheel and shouted,

"Ibuki's on the scene!"

Fei Long smiled,

"Well, she does have spunk."

**That's not the only thing, Fei, as Elena found out. **

Elena began the interview,

"So, Ibuki, what do you think is in the mystery box?"

Ibuki grinned wickedly,

"A naughty pair of handcuffs, so I can tie a man down and have my way with him."

Elena swallowed nervously,

"Are you into that kind of thing?"  
Ibuki continued her wicked grin,

"Yep, and there are things I want to do to boys so much. I love them so much!"  
There was a moment of silence, with the exception of crickets chirping. Fei said simply,

"Well, at least she knows what she wants."

**I don't know, Fei. Having those types of thoughts is strictly after hours entertainment. Unless I can profit from it in some way. Then, it's fair game, Fei. It's fair game. **

Ibuki began dashing onto the obstacle course with great quickness and speed, narrowly avoiding one of the crumpets. Then, she got onto the dog house section of the course, and, as she jumped, the dogs went for her. The ninja screamed and plunged into the water head first. Fei shook his head,

"And she was doing so well."

**I guess ninja school did not account for rabid dogs and synchronized swimming. Well, Ibuki has made it to the kitchen and she jumps head first into the mac'n'cheese. **

Ibuki surface shortly after and carefully went over one rib. She wiped her hair and face and vaulted over the second rib. She was about to make the jump when the second rib bounced into her backside and she lost her footing. In a desperate attempt to keep her calm, she did an over-split inbetween the gap on the obstacle. Of course, it led to her screaming. Fei blinked,

"Wow."

**Ninja trainings is good for something after all. **

Elena looked at it and shrugged,

"I can do that."

Ibuki could not bear the pain and dropped into the water. She quickly finished to the alternate finishing platform and rubbed her thighs. The insane author said,

**Well, that concludes our qualifier. Ibuki is indeed on the scene, she, along with eleven other contestants have made it to the next round. They are Ryu, Dan, Chun Li, Sakura, E. Honda, Juri, Sagat, Adon, Ken, T. Hawk, and Vega. **

Fei Long groaned,

"I hate to see what is in store for our contestants in the next round."

**Oh, don't worry, Fei. I've got the perfect obstacle for them. Bwa-ha-ha-ha! **

Dan shouted,

"FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY, PLEASE, LET US OUT OF HERE!"  
Elena kicked Dan in the face and looked at the camera, smiling sweetly as she it went dark.

Next Chapter;

The second round obstacle. Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	5. Chapter 5

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. ABC owns Wipeout. _

Chapter 5: Turn Style Turmoil 

Fei Long spoke into the camera,

"And, we're back, ladies and gentlemen, to Thrills and Spills."

**Oh, come on! Like that was any good! **

The insane author and co-host was yelling into his cell phone,

**You honestly think I had anything to do with kidnapping and sending the three people that work here overseas?! You know what, you just try and serve an arrest warrant on me! **

He hung up and shook his head,

**Are we on now? You will not believe how touchy some people are about international kidnapping. They're acting like it's a crime or something. **

Fei Long blinked and said,

"O-K. I don't know how quite to respond to that, but, we'll take our twelve contestants whittle them down to six in the next obstacle known as…"

He looked at the co-host,

"Am I reading this right? The Rotary Clogged Artery?"

**What? It was either that or the Magical Blistering Tour! **

Fei Long groaned out loud,

"Why did I even agree to do this?"

**Because it was either this, or be a part of the gang competing on the obstacle course. **

The fighter from Hong Kong grumbled,

"Like there is any choice in that. Well, here's how the Rotary Clogged Artery works; twelve contestants will start on one platform, and move from platform to platform to try and get to the other side. However, three rings will be rotating in the opposite direction. The contestants must move by them or through them, but not go underneath them. If you fall off of one of the platforms, you will have to start over. The first six people that get to the finish platform move on to the next round."

**That's right, Fei. It's almost as bad as having a dozen chili dogs after eating a box full of honey glazed doughnuts. And, one more thing, Fei, I put electric eels in the water. I bet our contestants will get a real charge out of that! **

The sounds of agony came as Chun Li was being shocked by an eel,

"AAHHH! SAKURA!"

Sakura shot Chun Li a raspberry,

"Serves you right for trying to marry my Ryu! He's mine, and so is that mystery prize!"

Ibuki declared,  
"Ibuki's on the scene!"  
Ryu looked at the ninja,

"Why do you always say that?"

The schoolgirl replied,

"It's kind of my mantra. I have to say it."

Ken snickered,

"I bet Elena loves it when you say that."

**Let's start the second round! **

The horn sounded and the contestants were off. Ibuki pulled Ken back,

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Elena shouted,

"Ken thinks you and I are lovers!"

Ken looked at Elena,

"You are? I knew it-!"

If the blonde fighter had been paying attention, he would have seen many of his other compatriots just get taken out by the spinning rings, and he himself was taken out and fell into the water with the electric eels. The eels zapped the other contestants, except Ibuki, who cackled as she expertly jumped from platform to platform. She laughed,

"Hah! You should never take me seriously!"

She jumped to the middle set of platforms and even tried leap frogging onto one. The rings came again and Ibuki squeezed her way between the moving ones and got to the final platform. Fei Long applauded,

"Wow, that was great! Ibuki got through without wiping out!"

**Yeah, but she has to get to the winner's circle and, to do that, she has to swim with the electric eels. **

Just then, Ibuki screamed as she got shocked,

"OW! WHERE IS THERE A BOY WHEN I NEED HIM?!"

Chun Li and Sakura both got on the starting platform and were synchronizing their times. That is, until Sakura declared,

"I'm getting that dream wedding with Ryu!"

Chun Li slipped by the rings and Sakura tried to do the same, but got hit and fell in the water. The Interpol agent was laughing as she continued on to the finishing platform and made it through to the third round, despite being electrocuted and knocked around.

Vega and T. Hawk tried to jump through the rings, but tripped and landed on their faces. Vega's mask fell off of his face and he was frantic,

"MY MASK! MY BEAUTIFUL MASK!"  
**Oh, God! It's the most unsightly creature I have ever seen in my life! What is that? **

Fei said evenly,

"That's Vega. Without his mask."

**It is? For a moment, I thought the Martians were attacking. **

A loud crash was heard as Juri and Sakura landed unceremoniously on top of each other. The insane author pulled out a megaphone,

**Hey, no girl-on-girl action on the course. Take it in your trailer, preferably with a camera so I can record it. **

The two of them then fell into the water again.

It was around this time that Sagat had developed a lead, but Adon, Dan, and Ken were right on his heels. Sagat saw the rings coming and got clever. He deliberately clutched onto the platform as he jumped and waited until the rings passed him over. The insane co-host saw this and shook his head,

**Oh, no you don't, Sagat. **

The insane author pressed a button, raising the platform to the point where Sagat's head was at the same elevation as the ring. It hit him square in the face and knocked him over, along with Adon and Ken. The three of them fell into the water. Dan was a little behind, but saw it and managed to slip in-between the rings. Then, he got to the finishing platform and celebrated,

"YES! I AM DAN, MASTER OF THRILLS AND SPILLS! FEAR M-!"  
Just then, E. Honda came lumbering up and sat on top of Dan. The sumo wrestler asked,

"Did anyone else see Dan?"

Dan's screams were muffled from the sumo's massive bulk. It was not until he stepped off did Dan finally get a chance to breathe and he gasped for air,

"So…much…fat…"  
He collapsed into the water.

Fei Long said,

"Four contestants have made it so far; Ibuki, E. Honda, Dan, and Chun Li, but two spots are remaining."

He then looked down and saw Ryu dive through the rings and expertly land on the platform. Fei corrected himself,

"Well, one more spot in the finals."

Sakura shouted,

"I'm coming for you, Ryu!"  
She pushed Juri and T. Hawk aside and made a dash for the platform. She bounced off Vega's head and clutched onto the final platform with all her might and determination. Then, she saw the rings coming and, remembering what happened with Sagat, climbed on top and got to her feet. Fei declared,

"Well, we have our six! Sakura, from out of nowhere, is moving on to the next round. The other six, well…"

**They're just going to have to go home, disgraced. Well, when we return, the third obstacle of the night is a real doozy. Stay tuned, fans! **

Next Chapter:

More Thrills and Spills insanity! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	6. Chapter 6

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. ABC owns Wipeout. _

Chapter 6: Third Round 

**Can you believe it, Fei? We've gone from twenty-four contestants down to six! Granted, it took a lot of pain and determination to get this far. **

Fei shook his head,

"Or, maybe just a lot of pain. We've got Ryu, Dan, Chun Li, Ibuki, E. Honda, and Sakura all vying for the top three positions to join in the final, challenging obstacle course of Thrills and Spills."

**That's right, but, to determine which three are going, we're going to do something to determine that. Say, Fei; did I ever tell you how I got to visit a hot springs near an active volcano? **

Fei looked at the insane co-host,

"What does that have to do with anything?"

**Oh, nothing. I just found out there's a real volcano here in our backyard, and I built the obstacle course around it. I call it; Explosive Situation! **

Fei looked and saw a series of platforms, all circling a massively fake volcano that would shoot out red slime. Also, on occasions, foam boulders would gush out, or they would get thrown by two very familiar looking people. Fei squinted his eyes and said,

"Who is up there?"

**Oh, just some friends I made along the way. Hey, C. Viper! Hey, Balrog! **

C. Viper shot the announcers the finger and folded her hands. Balrog flexed his muscles in an attempt to win the crowd over. This earned him a golf ball in the nether region. The insane co-host blinked,

**Perhaps I should have yelled fore for that. Oh, well. Here's how this obstacle works. First, the six finalists are going to strap themselves onto this platform and get spun in all different directions. Then, once it stops, they'll have to cross the bridge to the first platform and then jump from platform to platform, avoiding the gushing volcanic lava coming down. And, the occasional foam boulders being thrown by my two hostages…I mean hired thugs. The first three people across get to go to our final round for a chance to win the mystery box. **

The insane author held the mystery box in his hands and said in a mock frightening tone;

**What is in the mystery box? I do not know, for it is a mystery! **

Fei Long shook his head,

"And, if, at any time, do any of the contestants fall over, they have to start from the entrance to the volcano. Luckily, they do not have to go on the dizzying platform to start."

**Let's get this show on the road! **

A button was pressed and the six competitors who were strapped in to a vertical platform began spinning at a high rate of speed. Dan could be seen turning green and, when it was over, the six of them stumbled off. E. Honda held his stomach, groaning,

"I should not have eaten before getting on this ride."

He then covered his mouth and hurled all over Chun Li. The Interpol agent wretched in disgust,

"EEWW!"  
Sakura laughed, but then threw up near the side of the starting platform. Ryu, who was a little affected by all the spinning, got his focus together and began the journey of hopping from platform to platform. Just as he got about part way through, the volcano erupted and sent gushing red goo all over the place. That; and it was also raining super-hot hot sauce. Ryu got splashed with some of it and he immediately began shouting,

"HOT! HOT!"

**That'll do it, Ryu. That's stuff is so hot, it actually corrodes metal. My own secret recipe, which is also good for peeling off lead paint. **

Fei Long looked on and watched as Ryu took a foam boulder to the head and landed in the 'lava', which was really red-colored water,

"And Ryu is off the course. Here comes Ibuki, and she looks primed for this challenge."

Ibuki expertly flipped from one platform to the next, dodging and giving it her best to try and keep ahead of the pack. She makes to the next platform, but a foam boulder knocks her down. She still remains on, but the kunoichi warrior was gripping onto the platform for dear life. Dan was coming up and trying to close the distance, but, accidentally slipped and landed on his head and into the water. Fei winced,

"That had to hurt."

**And to think that people say Dan won't get ahead in life. Ah, well. **

Chun Li and Sakura were in a dead heat and, both of them would have jumped, but, Ibuki was able to get onto the platform. Sakura shouted,

"Come on, Ibuki! Let me through! I want to win my dream wedding with Ryu!"

Ibuki dusted herself off and continued onward, but deliberately slowed down just to drive Sakura and Chun Li nuts. E. Honda was coming from behind and, though the platform was narrow, he thought could get on it. As he leapt, his massive belly knocked both Chun Li and Sakura into the next platform head first and then into the water. Fei shook his head,

"Oh, that was not good. It does leave the door open, though, for Ibuki and she makes it to the final platform! She's our first finalist into the Thrills and Spills final round!"  
Dan, at the rear of the course, continued onward. His clothes were wet, but, he thought he had clear shot as E. Honda hopped onto the next platform and got taken out by a foam boulder before he landed. He slipped and fell into the water. Dan jumped again, but Ryu was quickly at his heels, attempting to gain some ground. Then, another gush of 'lava' came and knocked Dan right off, leaving Ryu with a free and clear path to the finishing platform. Fei smirked,

"And now, we've got two finalists. Ryu is going to face Ibuki and someone else for the mystery box prize!"  
Sakura had gotten out of the water first and, seeing Ryu finish, she shouted,

"I'm coming for you, Ryu!"

She began jumping from platform to platform, but Chun Li was determined to get there first. The two women were neck and neck and both of them were making their way to the final platform. Then, things seemed to slow down as both of them jumped to the final platform at the same time and land simultaneously. Fei looked on,

"Wait, what? Who finished for the last spot?"

**Never fear, Fei Long. We've got super camera technology that'll tell us what we need to know. **

A large screen was lowered and the two hosts, as well as Elena and the others, looked on. The camera was slowing down to the moment in question and everyone waited with baited breath as to what was happening. Then, as it footage plainly showed, Sakura landed first and was upright first. The insane host said,

**Well, looks like we got ourselves a winner! Sakura, you are the third finalist! **

Sakura cheered,

"Yay! I'm going to win my dream wedding with Ryu!"

Chun Li shrieked,

"NO! NO! I'M SUPPOSED TO MARRY RYU!"

Ryu groaned,

"Help me!"

Fei shook his head,

"I can only imagine the type of torture that you're going to inflict in the final round for the mystery box."

**Don't imagine. It's coming up next! **

Next Chapter:

The final obstacle course revealed! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	7. Chapter 7

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. ABC owns Wipeout. _

Chapter 7: Final Round Part 1 

**Wow, the final obstacle course. I have waited a long time for this moment, and, by that, I mean about ten seconds. **

Fei looked on at the massive obstacle and blinked,

"This is going to be the determining who wins the mystery box? Where did you get all of this stuff?"

**That's very simple, Fei. I had way too much time on my hands and I live near a scrap yard. So, with all my welding experience, which amounts to zero by the way, I was able to construct the Thrills and Spills Final Challenge! **

The host cleared his throat and explained,

**Our contestants start by going down a five story slide, gushing with water, but, they'll have to avoid the barriers that are littered throughout it. Then, after dunking themselves in the tank, they'll have to swim their way to the first obstacle called Leaping Labyrinth. Basically, they'll have to get across a vertical maze and get to the next platform, but, be wary; there is a strobe light that I flash into it to disrupt your focus. Once you get through the first obstacle, the second is even more challenge; Stairway to Heaven. You have to ascend a flight of stairs, but barrels come crashing down. And, just when you think you're at the top, you'll have to hit a button, releasing the platform to continue onward. But, be careful; descending down the stairs can be worse than going up, especially they retract and you end sliding down those stairs. And, for our last obstacle, Lights Out, it's a balancing act as you try to maneuver across a balance beam glimmering with ice and avoid punches being thrown. But, when you make it all through it, you're time will be counted. **

Fei nodded,

"That sounds like a challenging obstacle course indeed."

**And, the best part is that the temperature will be about just cold enough to see the girls' nipples. **

The Hong Kong super star rolled his eyes,

"I had a feeling the cold was more for your benefit than for the challenge of the obstacle course for our contestants."  
**What, it can't be both? Let's go down and meet our first contestant to tackle the final event from Thrills and Spills; Sakura! **

Fei smirked,

"Now, Sakura has had an interesting time getting through to this moment today; she put up a dominating time at the qualifier, and just nudged ahead in Explosive Situation. Now, she's determined to see this through and win our mystery box prize."

Sakura is strapped and sitting at the edge of the slide as she looks down the slide, seeing what can be her fate. She swallowed nervously and said,

"Please, Ryu. Protect me."

She had her life vest securely snug over her chest, as well as her schoolgirl skirt. Then, the timer counted down from five seconds. When the buzzer sounded, indicating the time to go, Sakura then began to slide down the slope. Fei watched,

"And there she goes. Sakura is beginning our Thrills and Spills challenge!"

Sakura narrowly avoided one of the barriers on the slide and made it down and into the air on the slide, being launched into the water. She kept her cool and spun around like a drill, hoping to slow her momentum down. Fei nodded,

"The schoolgirl looks good!"

**Yeah, she cleared the slide like a pro, but now, she has to deal with the Leaping Labyrinth, and this is going to test her agility and sense of coordination. **

Sakura jumped inside the maze and began to move inside it, but, she slipped and fell out of it. Fei winced,

"Oh, that is going to cost her some time. She's already at the four minute mark right now."

Sakura was determined to get through this and, as she exhaled after her long swim, she jumped inside again, determined to not repeat that mistake. She slipped in and out, maneuvering around the obstacles, doing her best to ignore the bright strobe light that was flashing from the booth and cleared Leaping Labyrinth. The Hong Kong actor nodded,

"Impressive so far. She's hit six minutes, but she's going to have to hustle to get through the next two courses to set a competitive time."

Sakura was on the Stairway to Heaven and as she climbed up the stairs; and water gushed down the obstacle, causing her to cough and have a hard time breathing. She slowly stalked to the top and hit the switch, lowering the platform. Then, as she slowly descended down the stairs, the platform gave way and she began sliding down the stairs and into an obstacle wall. She was firmly planted on the wall, but she moaned,

"Ow."

Fei wretched,

"Uh, that's disgusting."

The insane co-host nodded,

**Yep, that's sick all right, and I'm the one that designed the obstacle course. **

Sakura slowly got back up, realigning her limbs to a normal, anatomical degree, and continued onto Lights Out and she tried to block one of the punches as she balanced on the icy beam. Sakura was getting winded as she did so, and one of the punches ended up hitting her in the stomach and knocking her over. Fei shook his head,

"She's up to nine minutes as she continues on, but, I got to say, that this is going to be a difficult time to beat if Sakura can pull herself together and keep going."

Sakura got ready and balancing carefully on the beam again, anticipated a few punches and ducked around them as she got to the finish platform with her time. The signal sounded and Fei said,

"Well, Sakura has established a time of nine minutes and fifty-five seconds. A good time for a good run. Well, next up will be another one of our contestants as they take on the final challenge. Who is it going to be? Stay tuned!"

Next Chapter:  
Another contestant takes to the course! Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	8. Chapter 8

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. Wipeout belongs to ABC. _

Chapter 8: Enter the Dragon!  


Fei looked at the camera,

"Well, if you're just tuning into the show-."

**And why wouldn't you want to tune in to such quality programming? I mean, you've got the cast of Street Fighter breaking their backs for everyone around the world. Plus, you have me on? What's wrong with having me on camera? **

Fei said,

"I can think of a whole list of reasons, but, for right now, we're going back to our obstacle course and Ryu is going to compete next on the final Thrills and Spills challenge."

Ryu stood atop the slide and shook his head,

"I know I like a challenge as much anything else, but this is not what I had in mind."

Fei said,

"Well, let's see how Ryu got to where he was. He did amazing well on the qualifier, having one of the fastest times during the day, and he made short work of Explosive Situation. Now, the burning power of the dragon is residing in him as he competes for the mystery box prize."

**You know, and I don't want to suggest anything, but, if there is a prize in there that Ryu has to marry himself, how would that work? Will he be wearing the tuxedo or the dress? **

Fei blinked and looked at the insane co-host,

"Must you ask such random questions at a time like this?"  
**It helps when I am thinking about life. Speaking of which, I have to make sure the mystery box prize is secure. Get going! **

Fei shook his head,

"Whatever. While my insane co-host has to check if we're still on the air, let's get Ryu started with the last challenge!"  
The signal horn sounded and Ryu began his descent down the slide. He hit one barricade with his shoulder and that spun him down the slide and into the icy water. Fei shook his head,

"Well, he did get that hit, and, he's already at the one minute-thirty second mark. He can make up for it as he tries to make his way through Leaping Labyrinth."

Ryu took to the first peg and maneuvered carefully through it. He tried his best to maintain his sense of balance. The fighter then slipped and clutched for dear life onto one of the pegs that was turning and got himself up. Determined not to wipe out here, he got up and rode the maze again, until he got to the platform. However, just as he made a leap to get to the platform…he failed. He missed it barely and landed on his face before tumbling down the side like a ragdoll. Fei winced,

"Oh, and that was so close."

**I'll say. Next time, he'll not to try and grip the platform with his teeth. **

Fei continued,

"And, it's a long swim back to the beginning, but, Ryu knows what to do and…"

Ryu began maneuvering through quickly, learning the pattern on what he had to do and made it the second time. The actor from Hong Kong nodded,

"And he made it through, but he's at the five minute mark now and he'll have to really be careful here."

Ryu ascended the stairs as a rush of cold water splashed down on top of him. The water cascaded down the stairs, but the drenched warrior was determined not to let it get the better of him and he finished ascending the stairs. He pressed the button and surfed his way down the other side, waiting for the right moment. Though the stairs turned to a ramp, Ryu was able to slide down it easily and landed on the platform. Fei was stunned,

"And, from a disastrous start, to now, he's taken a lead and he has hit the seven minute mark. He does have time to deal with Lights Out, but, hopefully, he can avoid taking any more hits."

Ryu could see his breath and, though he had endured harsh training before, this was unlike anything he had ever encountered. He slowly began to walk across the beam when he slipped and fell onto the beam, catching it between his pants. He screamed out in pain and Elena, who was with Sakura, cringed at the sight,

"Oh, that was just not right."

**Oh, I could feel that from here. If Sakura or Chun-Li were expecting babies, they might not get the chance now. **

Fei said,

"It is a swim back to the beginning of Lights Out, and, with Ryu at the nine-minute mark, a slip here could mean the end of his journey and the mystery box prize."

Ryu carefully balanced on his feet as he avoided the punches thrown at him by the obstacle course, but, just as it looked like he was going to fall, he made a desperate leap to the platform and… he made it! The horn sounded and Fei said,

"Amazing! Ryu completed the course in nine minutes and forty seconds! He's eliminated Sakura from winning the mystery box prize!"  
**Excellent run, Ryu. I have to say, this is turning into quite the competition, but, don't forget, we still have one more contestant. **

Fei nodded,

"That's right! Ibuki still has to be on the scene and compete. Will she be able to win the mystery box prize? Stay tuned, all you readers out there!"

Next Chapter:

Ibuki competes for the Mystery Box prize. Will she succeed? And, what is in the mystery box? Stay tuned, fellow readers!


	9. Chapter 9

**Thrills and Spills 1 **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Capcom. Wipeout belongs to ABC. _

Chapter 9: All or Nothing 

**Fei, it's been an exciting time here on Thrills and Spills. We've had a good time. We've had a lot of great competitors…**

The insane co-host's phone signaled at that moment. Someone had sent a text message. The insane co-host then said,

**And, I've just been told that we have to vacate the property in few minutes because of a bomb threat. Well, before we get to that, we still have one more competitor we have to get to; Ibuki! **

Fei looked at the insane co-host;

"We're not going to evacuate? Well, that is like you. And, that is right, Ibuki is our last competitor to compete on the final course of Thirlls and Spills. She set up a terrific time during the qualifier, and, through the use of her ninja skills at Explosive Situation, managed to get to here to try for the mystery box prize. And, when all is said and done, we're going to know who the winner of this contest is."  
Ibuki was sitting atop the course and getting ready to glide down the giant slide. She was nervous, but did her best not to show it. Fei said,  
"Well, she looks ready. Let's start!"  
The actor from Hong Kong signaled the start of the course and Ibuki was off, sliding down at an incredible rate of speed. She narrowly avoided one of the barriers on the slide and then was launched into the air. The ninja warrior was in the air and tried to corkscrew flip around and land in the water safely. She did so, and Fei nodded,

"Impressive! She was able to cover such a great distance and now, she's got a short swim to Leaping Labyrinth!"

Ibuki got onto the platform and jumped inside the vertical maze, the strobe light flashing in her eyes. She maneuvered slowly throughout the maze, trying to maintain her balance wherever she could. Ibuki shook her head for a second; she was succumbing to dizziness, but managed to get to the platform on the other side. Fei was surprised,

"Unbelievable! Ibuki managed to get through the first obstacle without crashing! She's taken a big lead already, and her time is currently two minutes and thirty seconds!"

**I know, Fei. It's going to be close. **

Ibuki then leapt onto the stairs, but, as she ascended up them, a cascade of water came down on top of her, brushing her off the stairs. Fei winced,

"Oh, that was not good. Her first crash and now, she's got to climb the stairs again. It's going to eat up some time and the swim put her now at four minutes and forty-five seconds."

Luckily, Ibuki did not have to worry about the water coming down again and scaled the steps with a little more effort. She got to the top, pressed the button and saw the platform lowering down on the other side. Ibuki slowly descended the stairs, but made a radical jump the second the stairs were pulled out from under her. She landed on the platform, but slipped and fell on her backside. Fei nodded,

"She's doing good, and a fantastic display of ninja training at work, ladies and gentlemen. She's at six minutes and thirty seconds, but she still has Lights Out she has to worry about."

Ibuki took to the balance beam and tried to maintain her balance as she avoided the punches, but one of them hit her and she hit the beam head first before she fell down into the water. The insane co-host winced,  
**Oh, that has got to hurt, Fei. I almost feel bad for her. **

Fei said,

"Well, Ibuki is at about eight minutes and thirty seconds. She is going to have to hustle like crazy to get to the end."

Ibuki took a deep breath and exhaled. She dashed forward, maintaining her balance on perfectly on the beam. Then, with only a few seconds left, she dodged the last punch and got to the platform. Fei looked at the time and signaled the horn,

"Ladies and gentlemen, Ibuki just cleared the course in eight minutes and fifty-nine seconds! She's our mystery box prize winner!"  
Elena called out,

"Ibuki, you just won our mystery box prize!"

Ibuki began celebrating,

"Yay! Ibuki's on the scene!"  
Elena then looked at Ryu,

"Sorry, Ryu."

Ryu shook his head,  
"It's all right. It was a worthwhile experience overall."

Ibuki then came down, her chest still beating. She wiped the sweat off of her brow,

"Wow, I'm beat."

**Ibuki, you have won the mystery box prize here on Thrills and Spills. And, as the winner, you get to open it. **

Ibuki looked at the mysteriously wrapped present and tore the wrapping off. She opened the box and saw a piece of paper. On the paper, it read the following,

_To the winner of Thirlls and Spills, you have received your dream wedding with Fei Long! _

Fei looked at the paper and screamed,  
"WHAT? WAS THIS YOUR IDEA?"

**Oh, come on, Fei. Have a heart. It wasn't like I actually planned for this. Oh, wait, I did! **

Ibuki cheered,

"Yay! I'm going to be marrying a man!"  
She began chasing Fei Long over the set. Fei screamed,

"You'll hear from my lawyer, you insane maniac!"  
**That's what they all say. Now, for those of you wondering if Ryu or another guy would have one, don't worry; I pulled a switch when nobody was looking and that guy would have married Elena! **

Elena lustfully gazed at Ryu,

"I'm not complaining."

Sakura shouted,  
"Hands off! He's mine!"  
**Well, that's all the time we have for this show! Tune in next time as I take another franchise from somewhere and make them suffer humiliating feats of strength and agility for the sheer sake of ratings! Until then, good night, all of my insane fans! **

End of Thrills and Spills 1! Be sure to Review!


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